


Yeah Hold on 'til May, Doll face

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, this is just a sad story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 19:10:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4233393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray is struggling with self hatred and horrifying thoughts. Ryan wants to help but really doesn't know how. They end up spiraling out of control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yeah Hold on 'til May, Doll face

**Author's Note:**

> Hey I'm Cc and this is my first work I'm Posting on this website. Please tell me what you think I need criticism so i can improve in the future.  
> Inspiration for this was just I listen to way to much Pierce the Veil and these two songs spoke to me.  
> PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU CAN BE TRIGGERED BY SELF-HARM OR SUICIDE. I don't want anyone to hurt.
> 
> Songs Used for inspiration: Hold on til May and Yeah Boy and Doll Face By Pierce the Veil
> 
> Love You <3  
> Cc  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'If you were me you'd do the same' That's what Ray kept telling himself as he drug the blade across his leg again. "I'll be there one day" He would mumble to himself. He never knew where 'there was but he'd get there soon.

"Just another troubled child" Counselors would say. Never saw the scars going across his stomach, hips, and legs. Could never make him show them. They just thought he was going through a phase.

But when he's sitting up high in the tree counting the branches that surround him, nothing matters.

"Mom, Dad why haven't you come for me yet."

He loves the branches that surround him, hiding the small teenager from the rest of the world.

He had his baggy jeans bunched up on his thigh as he drags the blade for the third time that day across his thigh. Making deep wounds in his flesh. That's all he would ever amount to. Wounds on his skin that mocked him. He looked up at he sun that was still bright in the sky and made small dots on his skin. The blood running down his leg. He let the still dripping leg dangle from the tree as he lets out a sigh. He takes the small towel from his bag and quickly wipes off any blood and puts a wrap around his leg as to not get any on his jeans. He climbed down and went into his room to sleep and see if he could work up the courage to actually do it one day.

+

Ray had met someone. Well that may be an overstatement. He met someone who showed minimal interest in him.

Ryan. The name being sickly sweet on his tongue.

He's a upcoming musical artist

"Probably going to leave me. They all do" Ray thought bitterly as the two were laying in bed

+

"YOU ASSHOLE, LEAVING ME." Ray yelled. The windows rattling from a passing train but he managed to scream over the sound. "JUST LIKE THEY ALL DO. CAN'T DEAL WITH A PERSON WHO YOU WORRY ABOUT WHEN GOING ON TOUR" He screamed bitterly at Ryan

 

Ryan showed up multiple time and ten years later. Ray having just turned twenty-six and still hating every second he was living.

Scars had eaten up most of the flesh on his arms legs and torso, he wore his favorite purple hoodie everywhere so people wouldn't question him.

Ray fell into the easy pattern just like he did when he was sixteen.

"Been touring a lot lately" Ryan would casually bring up. "Big Deal" Ray would say "I guess your official" "Ray I only said it because I know what its like to feel-" "Burnt out. Yeah I know. The doctors used to say 'Just another boy without a sharper knife'" "Just kill this conversation and lets wrap this up" Ray would always say when Ryan came back before pushing himself onto Ryan's lap and pretending that he wont always feel this way.

"I'll make you feel beautiful once again" Ryan would say right before they went into the bedroom.

"I could never leave your bed" Ryan would say about to fall asleep "Then why are you always leaving me when I am waking up?" Ray will ask him with tears in eyes. "Why don't you wake me up and let me know you're alive?" Ryan will bargain. He is always doing this.

Ray falls asleep knowing Ryan will be there when he wakes up.

+

The sun about to set as Ray stands up on the apartment complex's roof. Tears streaming down his face as he looks down at the world. He would always stand close to the ledge and hope a gust of wind would just knock his balance off and tip him right over the ledge. But this time he wasn't hoping for a wind he was hoping for the sun to go down a bit farther and make the world a vibrant pallet of color so it can be the final thing he sees before he hits the ground. He starts to turn around so his back is toward the ledge and looks up at the sky for a final time as the sun went down

Ryan runs over to Ray wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him off the ledge to safety. Ray leans all his weight into Ryan and topples them both over so they fall and they ended up on the ground.

Ryan puts a hand on Rays head as they sit on the cement of the roof. Pulling a sobbing Ray close to his chest.

Ryan would then say "We've all been here sometimes, but tonight I'll make you beautiful once again"

The two would end up on the couch Ryan trying to convince Ray to eat. While Ray just refuses.

"Fine then. Come on. We'll own this night" Ryan says persuading him into things as always. "I will put your body to the test with mine"

"This Love is out of control" Ray mumbled while Ryan kisses down his chest. 3-2-1 and Ryan was kissing him again. "Where did it go?" As he thought of his need to hurt himself and he ran his hands down Ryan's bare chest.

Ray wakes up in the middle of the night crying and mumbling about being left alone again. Going to the bathroom he sees his razor, shining in the florescent light. Sitting on the edge of the tub he looks down at his exposed legs. Drags the razor one, two, three, soon he loses count and switches to his other thigh. Sobbing he starts on his left arm trying to muffle the sound by biting his lip. He thinks about Ryan leaving him again and lets out a loud sob.

"I'm never leaving him alone" Ryan is saying on the phone in the living room. He hears Ray crying and comes rushing in and wraps his arm around him pulling the razor out of the others hand and sets it on the counter the other still has his phone pressed to his ear.

"You're going to have to if we go on tour again." He hears his band mate say as he hangs up.

"You're just thinking about the past again. Darling, you'll be okay" Ryan rubs his back. "If I were you I'd put that away." He said nodding to the razor

Ray leans into him "I thought you left me again. I can't take anymore. I draw the shades and close the door when you leave me. Everything's not all right and I would rather..." He trails off.

"No I won't let you please don't you dare ever think about leaving this world, leaving me" Ryan said tears coming out of his blue eyes

"Don't you ever feel alone?" Ray had pleaded "Don't you wish you were home? I want to leave please just let me leave."

"Please hold on till May doll face and cut the lust tonight. We don't need to do anything. I want to stay right by your side for the rest of the week"

+

Ryan had kept his promise and Ray had stayed by his side all week. "Shouldn't you have two hands on the wheel" He asks as they drive to the store.

"I only need one hand to drive when you're with me." Ryan had said squeezing his hand

"You are my getaway. You know that right?" Ray said looking at Ryan.

"What" He had responded to the sudden openness

"Whenever I'm with you the things telling me to hurt myself go away. I feel happy again" Ray smiles for the first time in months. A real genuine smile.

+

Months later Ryan hadn't left Ray for more than a few hours a day. They had gone out to dinner. Ryan acting nervous the whole time. Ray was scared, thinking Ryan was going to tell him he was leaving again. Dessert had been served and Ray watched as Ryan got up and stepped in front of him He grabbed Ray's hand and kissed it. "Ray I know when I go on tour you feel alone and unloved but I love you forever. I think about you when I'm playing music and" He then dropped down to one knee and pulled out a small velvet box. Opening it was a diamond and gold ring.

"Ray Narvaez Jr. would you do me the honor of becoming my husband." Ryan said looking into Ray's beautiful eyes that were dripping tears of happiness.

Ray jumped out of his chair and kissed him wrapping himself around Ryan. "Yes. Yes. A thousand million times yes." Ryan slipped the ring on.

"Customized to cut your circulation so you'll always know I'm with you and that I love you" Ryan whispered. There were people clapping around them.

+

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" Ray had been yelling again. He was on the roof again. Ryan had left him to go play music on tour and Ray had found out he was cheating as well.

Ryan was yelling though the phone "DO YOU WANT TO LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE OKAY?" Ryan was panicking

"I'M FINE AND OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE TOO IF YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH SOME GROUPIE." Ray was beyond pissed he was furious and also so angry at himself for trusting Ryan with his heart.

"Please tell me why my little Mona Lisa is telling me a lie." Ryan sounded upset now.

Ray had been pacing waiting for the sun to get to half way under the ground. The clouds were turning pink and the sky a purple color. "I held on til May." He said into the phone. He climbed up onto the railing turning his back to the edge and looking up at the sky. "but not much longer anymore. Keep talking cause I love to hear your voice." He said looking behind him. "I just want to hear your voice again. Please one last time." He could hear Ryan pleading with him asking what he meant.

"Ray please please tell me you're not doing something you'll regret." Ryan was about to burst into tears.

"I won't regret this." Ray said as he put his phone on speaker. He gripped it tight "Keep talking Ryan please" and Ray let himself fall. As he was falling he heard Ryan.

"Please Ray. I love you." Ryan had yelled. Then nothing

+

Ryan heard a smack and then his call was cut off. He was sobbing. His chest heaving. His band-mates looked at him with concern. "I can't let you go." He sobbed

+

At the funeral Ryan was in tears the whole time. They never stopped he was crying for days on end. He looked at Ray's casket and a whole new round of sobs came. He walked up and looked at him. The fall had only broken his neck but it was enough. Ray had the engagement ring on still. "I couldn't let you go. I'd never let you go my dear."

+

Later that week Ryan was found on the same part of the sidewalk. Sprawled out and blood pouring out of his head. His arms were cut up. The name 'RAY' cut in them. He was dead now. Jumped from the same ledge at the same time. Ray's number was being called on the phone clutched in Ryan's hand. Ray's voice had been the last thing he had heard before Ryan died. A text had also been sent to Ray reading 'As the sun went down we ended up on the ground'.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so please let me know what you think and ya thanks for reading
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> Note: This had nothing to do with they're personalities so I just used them as characters. Thank you for Reading Byee


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